Now it's 2 in the morning. I half fell asleep a few times, and had odd half dreams. On two separate occasions, I awoke from a dream about a large, tasty sandwich. Finding that I did not actually have a sandwich, I became enraged. All of a sudden, I was waking up from a different dream in which my skin was horrifying. It can best be described as resembling lunch-meat that has been boiled for many hours.
Speaking of half things, I half wrote a short story, and then threw it away (I fully threw it away, thanks for asking.), because it seemed a lot like a bad eighties film.
I apologize for this. So here...I'll post another something from the past. (Although now edited all Walmart style, because at some point I became a total prude.)
June 6th, 2003
Dear Miss Abigail Price,
We regret to inform you that your application to be in the "Little Miss Kentucky" pageant has been denied, for the following reasons:
1. You're 82. The age bracket for this competition is 12-17.
2. The "artistic nudes" you voluntarily supplied with your application, were severely lacking in the "artistic" department, and were borderline pornographic. The image in which you're shown doing degrading things to a raw ham put two of our best employees in the hospital.
3. Under "experience", you boldly listed the names of 20 vaguely known, D-list actors, and one complete unknown, who you describe as "unstable and murderous". We're not quite sure what you meant, but new security precautions have been installed.
4. The paragraph you wrote describing the life and times of "Saint Hitler" was not amusing in the slightest.
Regrettably yours,
Betsy P. Broomstail
*Edit - Totally freaky! It WAS two in the morning, but now it is only 1 am! Thank you, time change! Good night!
Dear Miss Abigail Price,
We regret to inform you that your application to be in the "Little Miss Kentucky" pageant has been denied, for the following reasons:
1. You're 82. The age bracket for this competition is 12-17.
2. The "artistic nudes" you voluntarily supplied with your application, were severely lacking in the "artistic" department, and were borderline pornographic. The image in which you're shown doing degrading things to a raw ham put two of our best employees in the hospital.
3. Under "experience", you boldly listed the names of 20 vaguely known, D-list actors, and one complete unknown, who you describe as "unstable and murderous". We're not quite sure what you meant, but new security precautions have been installed.
4. The paragraph you wrote describing the life and times of "Saint Hitler" was not amusing in the slightest.
Regrettably yours,
Betsy P. Broomstail
*Edit - Totally freaky! It WAS two in the morning, but now it is only 1 am! Thank you, time change! Good night!
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