To be honest, I haven't had anything interesting to say. Until now.
SUBJECT: POTTY TRAINING
For nearly four years, this has been a struggle in my house. My son refused, flat out refused , to even entertain the thought of trying. He liked his diapers. When he went in them, he didn't care. Wearing a dirty diaper didn't make him feel uncomfortable. Same with Pull-ups. (Yes, EVEN the the kind that get all freezy when you urinate in them, which is supposed to be mighty irritating!)
For weeks at a time, I would have this child of mine run about in the nude. Would he go in the toilet? No. He would go on the floor. Right there on the floor, with a great deal of cleaning up involved...and a certain amount of mumbling under my breath. He had a potty chair, with cool pictures of cars on it. He had a seat that went over the regular toilet, with more cool pictures of cars. (This was a failure, because at the age of two he got it stuck on his head, causing a great deal of trauma and tears. For months, he was terrified of that damn thing.)
We tried sticker charts. I tried dancing and singing. I read him potty books. He watched potty videos. Elmo could not convince this kid of mine to go, so how could I?! I read books, thousands of articles, "fool-proof" potty training tips, and asked for professional advice from his pediatrician. I Googled, on more than one occasion, "WHY DOES MY SON HATE ME" in all caps, just like that. I tried bribery. Promises of Disneyland, water parks, new toys, etc. NOTHING. Let me tell you again, just in case you aren't getting the point here...NOTHING WORKED.
In case you were wondering what Landon's pediatrician said....she told me to "Wait until he was ready" and to "not push the issue".
I waited. I didn't even mention it to him. I changed him without making any remarks about the toilet whatsoever. Meanwhile, I was visualizing my son as a college student, and me...old, withered, and half-insane, driving to his dorm to change him.
Let me tell you about something else that nearly drove me to the brink of insanity: other parents.
I have often said it, and I stand by my statement still: One of the worst parts of parenting is other parents.
They come at you with bushels of unwanted advice. Whats more, when they find out that your kiddo isn't potty trained yet....they sit back, face puffed up with arrogant pride, eyebrows slightly raised, and they say, "MY kids were all potty trained by 18 months."
This is when you are allowed to clap for them is a sarcastic fashion, before telling them to get the *explicitive* out of your house. Unless you aren't at your house, in which case I find that a very abrupt "Good day to you!" will suffice. Explicitive optional.
I was at the store one time, begrudgingly filling my cart with pull-ups. For whatever reason, an older gentleman began a conversation with me about his six children, and how they were ALL potty trained as soon as they could walk. "If they can walk, they can use a toilet!" he said, his face taking on the usual expression of a know-it-all.
Knowing how to walk, eh? My son can walk. He can talk, sing, dance, pour himself a glass of milk, make a sandwich, use the microwave, CHANGE HIS OWN PULL-UP, count to 100, recognize words, tell a detailed story, and make his bed.....but he will not go to the bathroom in the toilet. I say "WILL NOT" because he CAN. He just wont. Not with manipulation, threats, or anything else. Not on a train, not in the rain.
Again, his pediatrician said to wait. Wait for what, exactly? The apocalypse? I felt like a failure as a parent. I couldn't figure out in the hell what was going wrong. I wanted to lend him out to a better mom who could properly teach him how, and then request him back when it clicked with him.
(Oh, and in case you're wondering...I tried just putting underwear on him [any kind he wanted!] and letting him just go...but it never got to the point where he would stop going in his pants. There were messes constantly. He never got the idea to just use the toilet, or his potty seat, or even outside...I didn't care!)
This was making me pull my hair out and lose sleep...until one week before he turned four. Suddenly, magically, he was going the bathroom in the toilet. No prompting or begging from me, just going. He was clearly proud of himself, because it was his idea. It was a birthday miracle! I wanted to alert the masses, but I didn't want any of those puffy faced, arrogant parents to be like, "He wasn't already potty trained?!"
No, you *****. No he was not. Now he is. He goes in the toilet, every single time. We have had minor accidents, but other than that the transition has been outstanding. I am thrilled. He now wears boxers (he doesn't want to wear underwear..which is a bummer, because I can only find toddler boxers online) all of the time, without issue.
Lessons to be learned: Don't be a puffy faced, slightly raised eyebrow parent. All children are different, go at their own pace, and do things when they're comfortable with them. No amount of effort on my part was going to speed up the process. (Also, he hates sticker charts, what gives?)
